Hey guys! So, as I heard from many of you, I frustratingly left you mid-story in my last post. To do a quick summary, I told you about how my life was an absolute mess and I was looking for a handsome man to call my own under every rock, stone, or pebble in the DMV (DC, MD, & VA for those who don't live here). It didn't work. It took some time before I realized that it wasn't them that was the problem, but it was me. So I turned to God and blocked out everything else. I told myself that I would not date or even look for a date for a year. For all the juicy details, you can check back to the last post if you haven't read it already.
So, what did I do during that year?
I started out with writing out the qualities that I wanted from the love of my life. This may seem backwards, but don't worry I'm going somewhere. I came up with a list of 11 things. Then I looked to the Bible to compare my list with what Paul writes about the qualities of love (I Cor 13:4-8). Our lists had some things in common, but his list was far superior to mine. You may recognize it.
- Patient
- Kind
- Doesn't envy
- Doesn't boast
- Ins't proud
- Isn't rude (Doesn't dishonor others, NIV)
- Isn't self-seeking
- Isn't easily angered
- Keeps no record of wrong
- Doesn't delight in evil
- Rejoices in truth
- Bears all things (Always protects, NIV)
- Believes all things (Always hopes, NIV)
- Endures all things (Always perseveres, NIV)
- Never fails
Originally I was thinking of these qualities as the standard for my spouse. However, during my year without dating I took this standard, posted it on the wall, then stood with my back up against it to see how I measured up. It didn't look good. At first. I was like the short kid in class who tries to straighten his spine just a little bit more to get that extra inch.
“I didn’t search for my dream, I searched for God”
So I took these qualities and studied them for myself over the year. I would typically take one quality per week, but there were times it ended up being more than a week. I had to break myself of the habit of getting a Word, saying, "Oh that was good Pastor", maybe even applying it, then moving on to the next Word the very next day. Sometimes it was good to just sit with one scripture for several days. Over the whole year, I didn't search for my dream, I searched for God and He showed me more than I could ever have dreamed up myself.
But, what about Rob?
Drama ministry went to a local play together.
Rob and I had been in the choir and in the drama ministry together for awhile at that time. I knew who he was, but we never really spoke to each other much outside of a casual hello. In July of 2014 the drama ministry went to a local play together and we ended up sitting next to each other amongst some other friends. The conversations that happened that day contained more words than we had ever spoken to each other before combined. Then in August the choir went to Six Flags Great Adventure. We ended up riding some rides together. He made me get on one of those rides that takes you very high (415 ft to be exact) then drops you with very little warning. To this day we refer to it as the time he "dropped me off a building". I made him get on one of the wooden roller coasters. He had never done it because he didn't trust it. Too bad, he dropped me off a building so he was getting on the ride. After that day, our friendship was solidified and we would often talk when seeing each other in church. In October that year we went to get coffee after a rehearsal with a friend for "National Coffee Day". This day is still a holiday in our relationship. In December me and some friends of mine hosted a holiday party at my house. We called it Friendsgivingmas (you get it). This was the first time someone mentioned to me that they thought that Rob liked me. I wasn't thinking anything about him. I wasn't thinking anything about any man.
Choir at Six Flags Great Adventure
Just before getting on that wooden roller coaster (the second time)
Friendsgivingmas. I swear we had no intentions of looking like an Old Navy commercial.
Then in February my Year Without Dating ended. Rob was in Michigan visiting his grandmother, but that morning flowers showed up at my house from him saying how proud he was of me for completing My Year and accomplishing what I had set out to do. This is when my mom said that he liked me. I still wasn't thinking anything about him. We were friends, right? Friends can send each other flowers, right? I know now how dumb this sounds, but I swear this was my mentality at the time. I had just gotten through not thinking about guys for a year. It took some time to break that.
Later in February Rob told me that he wanted to date me exclusively. He wanted to "take me off the market" I believe were the words. I told him no. I just wasn't ready to jump head first into a committed relationship yet.
In March we had our birthday parties together. Our birthdays are 7 days apart (I know, how cute). We made a whole day of it then met up with a bunch of our friends that evening at a dinner theatre. This was the second time that friends mentioned to me that he liked me. I couldn't deny it at that point, but I was going to try.
Then, one evening in April after he had picked me up from the airport we ended up talking all night and he asked me out again. I remember being so nervous because I didn't want to make another mistake. I didn't want to be in another bad relationship. I didn't know if I could really trust him. But I also knew that I liked him too and wanted to see where this thing would go. So I said yes to him for the first time that day, but it wouldn't be the last time.
