Well, is it what they don't tell you or is it what you don't listen to? Yea, the second one probably seems more appropriate for me. This wedding planning thing is not easy. There are a ton of pieces that have to come together just right to make sure you have the most awesome day of your life. At least, that's the expectation. Plan the greatest day of your life - that's the task. Bring all of your closest friends and family into town and celebrate with them without going into debt - that's the challenge. Everything goes down smoothly and you simply get to enjoy your big day - that's the reward. Below you'll find a few things I've learned along the wedding planning way. We're 93 days out now......
The Guest List is Most Important
There is not a single wedding website you can read or wedding book you can buy that will not tell you that the guest list is most important. Nail down your guest list early and stick to it is what they tell you. Be honest, gentle, and clear. This sounds very good until your mother hands you a guest list of 326 of her own guest. This was 326 people that included neither me or Rob.
My recommendation: Plan your guest list before you even tell your parents that you're engaged. Don't even give them the chance to put together their champagne wishes and caviar dreams.
My serious recommendation: Make decisions early as to what you want your wedding to look like. Be reasonable about your expectations and keep your budget in mind. Decide how much you're willing to spend and how many guests fit in that expectation. THEN give everyone a guest list limit. Remember, the wedding party (and their significant others) count as guests, so keep them in mind. Then say, "Mom, there's room in the guest list for you to invite 50 people." That would probably go better than, "Mom, write out your guest list for me."
Budget, Budget, Budget
The guest list and the budget go hand in hand as most important things to plan in your wedding. The budget dictates the guest list and the guest list dictates the budget. Rob and I decided early that we (or our parents) will not go into debt for our wedding. Yes, this day is important, but our marriage is even more important. We'll already be paying off student load debt, no need to add wedding debt too.
My serious recommendation: Write out very early how much you would like to spend. Be reasonable and do a ton of research. Use one of the many lists provided on the internet for wedding budget line items. The more items the better. You can easily decide you won't be needing something on the list, but if you miss something you didn't think of it will hurt when you have to find room (and money) for it later. Also, budget for a cushion. Something is definitely going to cost more than you budgeted for, just hopefully not a lot of things.
What Do You See?
I was asked so many times, "When you picture your wedding, what do you see?" In all honesty, I didn't see much. If you couldn't guess, I have not been planning my wedding since I was born. I had a few ideas here and there, but definitely not enough to write out every detail. This is where Rob was very helpful. We decided we wanted out wedding to look like our relationship. Adventurous. We made all of our decisions based on the story of us. This way, the more we plan, the more excited we are for the actual day.
Just Make Decisions
I am the worst at this. I want to think about a decision for days to make sure I've thought of every eventuality and I'm making the right choice. For some decisions, this is totally necessary. When you're deciding between shimmer or matte paper for the invitations, just decide. Things will be much easier if you just make decisions. I also procrastinate. It only took me three months to call for the hotel blocks. When I finally did, it was very simple. I'm going to give the excuse that it's because I'm so busy. Yea, that feels right.
Gotta Have Friends
There have been sooooo many people who have helped us through this wedding planning and marriage preparation process. So many of our friends, family, and mentors stepped up to help out with certain parts of this that we didn't even know we needed. This would all be impossible without these people. Maybe we'll do some introductions of the key players in future posts.
There's still 93 days to go, so I'm sure I have so much more to learn. Here's hoping I don't mess the whole thing up in the next few months.
