Well, courting takes work. But there's just something about that word courting that adds a few extra pounds to a sentence. When you say, "courting" it adds a layer of responsibility and officialness (is that a real word?) to a relationship. It's like when you finally mastered those 20 lunges on each leg then your personal trainer says do it again, but this time he puts 10 pound dumbbells in each hand. That's courting.
A quick Google search of this title will show you that very often people are not OK. It may also reveal to you that just as often as people are not OK, they pretend that they are. I feel like we've all been there. We feel awful, but we still put a smile on our face and bulldoze through our day. At church it can be even worse. Christians should always be OK. We pray about whatever that thing is and we find security in knowing the Lord has it under control. "I gave it over to the Lord and He worked it out."
I'm talking about marriage right? No. I'm talking about ministry. And not in the holy way that people talk about marriage as your ministry, either. I'm talking about at least three rehearsals a week (during the slow season) and, if we're lucky, one service on Sunday. We're rarely that lucky, but I wouldn't trade it.
Rob and I have been serving in ministry together for years. Long before we were an "item" or even friends. I knew Rob as the guy who sang the high notes on solos on Sunday morning and who would always have a role in the large church productions (but would also be seen moving props).
When I started writing this, I typed, "I think this is the final installment of this subject." But as I was writing it and praying that I share what needs to be shared, I realized that this post needs to be an interlude from the story. This post needs to be about peace. One of the biggest things that single people like myself tend to struggle with, especially when it comes to dating and relationships, is peace.
When I trusted God with my platonic friendship with Bev, it meant that I let Him guide us both (keyword BOTH) in the direction our relationship was to be going. Because of that, at some point, both of us realized that we were heading towards something more.
I might be the only one here who previously had a bad relationship and was afraid of getting into a new one. I'm sure that's not your story, but appease me for just a little while and listen to mine.
Trust. That was the thing that was hard for me to do. There was a time period where I like Rob, but I wasn't sure if I could trust him yet. You see, being vulnerable was hard. How could I be expected to let down all my walls and protection for this guy? I had bought into the notion of an independent woman. I didn't need anybody to help me. If I was going to get something or somewhere, no one else was going to be able to claim credit for it. Sistas are doing it for themselves!
Ok. So let's see. Where did I leave off last time? I think I was outlining some of the mindset differences between courtship and dating. If you're just joining us, don't. Go read part one first. Why? Because it's good and I worked really hard on it.
I spent most of my last post talking about the disadvantages of taking the dating mindset versus the courtship mindset. So in this post, I want to spend more time on the benefits of having a courtship mindset.
For this week's post I talked a few of my friends who have been married from as little as 8 months to as long as 35 years. By no means did I contact everyone I know who is married, but mostly people in my immediate vicinity (I am planning a wedding here people). What I found was interesting because no matter the length of the marriage, the answers were similar. In no way would I ever say that marriage is easy. On the contrary, most of what I've heard is that marriage is a lot of work. It seems, however, if you focus on a few things and work to do those really well, the benefits far outweigh the investments. I'll stop talking and let you hear a few inspiring words from the future...
I will never forget the magic in the air the first time she sang for me. The pleasantness of her voice. The sparkle in her eyes. The feeling was electrifying, with the voltage therein leaving me clueless as to what to do with myself. Nor will I forget the intensity of my sudden awareness at being touched the first time she held my hand. She barely remembers these moments as they were both fleeting and perfectly within her sweet nature, but I was spellbound beyond the ability to forget.
